4th of july... and a few at home insights

these are some pictures of our lovely trip to andrew's parent's mountain house at lake junaluska assembly. elisha had the opportunity to spend a good bit of time with his cousin micah. andrew's sister and her family live much farther away than we would like, so it was a treat for the boys to spend so much time together!
we went to the parade by the lake... it reminded me of the parade that would go by my house when i was little. elisha was a little terrified of the firetruck... i was too. it was quite loud! we were hot in the sun at the parade, but that might have been the only time i really was the whole trip... it was so nice to sleep with the windows open at night and wake up chilly. there was a sleeping porch upstairs and i kept finding that andrew would sneak off with a book to that ideal spot... it will hopefully be just the first of many 4th of july holiday weekends spent up there.

the porch was a fun (enclosed!) place to play...
this is a picture of elisha at our house in front of the tv. i hate to watch tv-- and i hate for elisha to as well... i know i'm being a stick in the mud, and that i'll make up for lost time if/when we have more children and i'm desperate for the couple of minutes of free babysitting that the tv offers... but for now it is a rarity. i would hope that that would mean that elisha isn't that interested in it, but no! he will point to it and rub his chest( signing 'please'). he just love 'thomas' videos... well we only have one. this is a shot of him dancing in front of the tv to the opening music!

i hope that we don't look like to big of rednecks! i left andrew at home one morning and when i came back, elsiha was wearing his camo pjs(that he has outgrown) and using andrew's deer call! it has become his new favorite toys. just a new way to make animal sounds(his favorite past time). andrew relishes a chance to watch hunting videos when i am not at home(see above not as to my dislike of tv... and hunting videos are certainly not an exception!)... now it seems he is training elisha to join him ;-)

pretend

this is a cute little video of elisha playing with his little friends... he was in there happy by himself for quite a while; i got curious and this is what i found him doing. there are so many thing she can do at one that i just didn't think he would be capable of-- having imaginary conversations between his stuffed animals certainly falls into that category!

10 minute pants/shorts

this is sooo easy ... you've got to try!
this pic doesn't do them justice-- they are extremly cute! a light weight denim w/ a little scrap of quilting fabric for a pocket.

i found this post { http://madebypetchy.blogspot.com/2008/06/tutorial-10-minute-trousers.html } on a crafty blog i like to read. i took the 10 minutes (plus a little extra b/c i put a cute pocket on them) to make darling pair of shorts. she has a whole tutorial including how to pictures. check it out and make a pair.

i don't know if y'all have seen the pledge to 'buy handmade'... these were so easy, i'm tempted to take the handmade vow and make elisha's clothes next season... maybe i'll vow to make half, and buy the other 40% at consignment sales... we'll see...

celestial seasonings - 'on napping'

granted, it's not all that late for some of you night owls... but for me it is past bedtime and i am wide awake. so i have brewed a cup of celestial seasoning's 'sleepytime extra' to hopefully send me on my way to dreaming. it has valerian in it, so it's a little 'extra' helpful.
on the side of the box it has a quote from david jacoby. i like it:
"when we were young, the 'tall' ones told us when to slow down. when the demands of the world became too great, their powers of reasoning proved maddeningly accurate. 'i think someone's tired,' they observed. and off for a nap we went. ten minutes later, our dreaming faces had put us back in good favor with our exasperated parents. when we woke, the world somehow made sense again. what kind of truth might a napping child impart to us? now we are the tall ones, living in a complicated world with no one to tell us when to slow down. the slumbering little one knows the value of not having the last word, of accepting a minor defeat. it's so simple. miss out on something. put yourself back in your own good humor. the world will wait."
good night!

picture this

i haven't become totally comfortable w/ our new camera and the whole download process, so i'm behind on my picture posting. here are the highlights... and in a few days i'll cover our most recent trip.
first off-- this is elisha on the morning of his birthday. he was obviously excited about his present! if you are low on storage space for toys, i highly recommend the collapsible tunnels and tents -- big fun that doesn't take up much room when put away... plus they are so fun, everyone wants to play. this is a picture of elisha playing on the tunnel w/ 'big mama' (my mother-- and yes, she chose her own grandmother name! she had a big mama that she loved-- who was actually not quite 5 ft tall!) he thought it was hilarious when she crawled all the way through! we were all amazed!
isn't he a ham! leave it to his aunties to have giant sunglasses for him to try on...this picture isn't great-- i took it myself. it is a wrap stlye carrier that i made for my sister-in-law. i used one like this A LOT when elisha was tiny... i loved it. the moby wrap is the biggest brand that makes ones like this... but they are easy to make for yourself. i embellished this one, but if you make a basic one, it is a no-sew project. you just cut 5 yards of stretchy jersey knit fabric(preferably a mostly cotton) to be about 2 feet wide. so you can usually get 2 or three out of 5 yards of fabric, depending on the width of the bolt.
i appliqued a funky fabric in the 'tree of life' shape onto a lightweight denim square and sewed that onto the center... it is beautiful and gives it a little more structure-- great as her tiny girl gets to be elisha's size!
you can find directions for use on the moby wrap website... if you take a bit of time to practice it will be simple to use... and worth it, because wrap-style carriers are super comfortable! they spread the weight out over your back and shoulders- no pressure points-- and you are totally hands free. you can use them from birth until 35lbs... elisha loves to play the 'give me a BIG hug' game... his daddy thought it would be hilarious for elisha lion to give him an extended big hug... he was actually pretty happy to have a lion tied to him for quite a while!

get comfy...

i have been putting off my big 'lessons learned from the past year' post b/c i have been intimidated. but i am going to jump into it by giving my recommended reading list...... this is VERY abbreviated. there are a lot of books out there and i truly believe you can learn something from everything you read. but these are the ones to start with ;-) ... if you ask me
p.s. --- sorry to those of you who have no babies and aren't interested in this stuff, and those of you who do have babies/children and are happy with your own way of parenting- don't feel like i'm trying to tell you the best way.... i just know a lot of people who are pregnant and interested... you learn a lot when you have on the job training 24/7... i just thought it was only fair to share what i have learned, in case some small part may make the job easier/ more fufilling for even one mama.


this is a great place to start.... andrew got this for me to be funny when we thought i might be pregnant, but it was too soon to know for sure. i thought it would be sitting on the shelf for another year or so, but as it turned out i took it to the beach with me the weekend we saw the two pink lines. pretty cool how God led andrew to buy a random book at the airport b/c of the title and it has become one i recommend first to couples headed toward parenthood.

i think this book is just a great overview. it doesn't give you a system; it is full of good advice to keep things in perspective, to bond with your baby, to keep your marriage healthy, to avoid books that say 'this is the exact way to do it for everyone', to know the tendencies of first-time parents that lead to 'first child syndrome'... all in all - a super easy read... a great basic place to start!

it is probably pretty well known by now that i am 'birthy'... i guess that word is like earthy about birth. i realize that not everyone is... i'm trying to not think that everyone should be ;-) but honestly, if you are pregnant, you are, in some way or another going to give birth. and it is ridiculous to spend more time thinking about and researching what bedding or stroller to get than how you feel about birth! you will gradually forget the other things, but i promise, the way your child(1st child especially) comes into this world--- the way you become a mother will stay with you.

this is not just a book for the crazy nuts (like myself) that think having natural childbirth is hands down the way to go... this book may be a little to touchy feely at first, but it is so important for helping you face your fears and dreams about birth. no matter how you give birth it guides you to see birth as a rite of passage to becoming a mother.

a friend was reminding me of how this book tells about a culture that treated women who had given birth as warriors returning from battle. they would dress women in the warrior robes and sing the songs of a victorious battle as she came back into the town after giving birth. most cultures besides our own congratulate a woman on becoming a mother instead of just congratulating her on her baby.... we have just side stepped this whole birth thing.

the things you learn in birth are important for the difficult job of being a mother!

whether natural childbirth is for you or not, this book has some great pain management tips that are useful for braxton-hicks contractions (those are pre-labor.... or some call them false labor contractions) early labor-- you can't get an epidural the second you go into labor, you will be glad to have some tips on how to relax... and really just how to look at pain a different way. i was glad i read it when i spent a night on the floor w/ a stomach bug. there are times when you spent hours thinking about how much pain you feel and the things i read in this book have really been helpful!

get the book, don't feel obligated to do all the birth art exercises... but allow yourself to get earthy-birthy.... at least for a couple of hours

in general, a system of exact rules for every mama/baby rubs me the wrong way.... but the 5 s's in this book are magical! at least you will think so if you have a fussing newborn and you do these thing just right. i promise! it is magic! i remember after spending what felt like hours trying calm him down, learning this technique and all of a sudden he stopped crying and looking like he was listening in a trance! ahhhh.

i didn't actually read the book, my doula, and then my lactation consultant showed my how to do... i then ordered the video. it's a little repetitive, but so worth the peace you will get from a hysterical newborn. i think the whole idea resonates with me b/c it really isn't anything new... if you watch your grandmother with a newborn you will notice her instinctively doing some of the things he talks about. it's nice to learn the things right off the bats w/ your first baby rather than gradually by the time you have great grand babies!

the whole idea is to recreate, in a sense, the familiar environment of the womb to help calm your newborn because the first three months are a time of adjusting to being outside of it. *you swaddle tightly b/c baby was tight in your womb (you may think your baby is fighting you b/c he hates being swaddled--- wrong! he needs to be swaddled b/c he doesn't have control of his limbs yet and those things are flying around and freaking him out!) *you shush the baby... now this needs to be loud! louder than your baby is crying or he won't hear it. the sound inside your body was as loud as a vacuum cleaner... so get right in their ear and ssshhuuuuuussssssshhhhh continuously. getting a white noise machine might be helpful too. * you hold your baby on their side b/c having his back down triggers a startle reflex... like falling. * you give them something to suck on... paci, your pinky.... newborns have a desperate need to suck (he tells you a trick for helping your newborn take a paci-- you put it in their mouth a certain way, i don't remember b/c e needed no coaxing) *the 5th s is for swing... while holding them you do a little sway/jiggle... it is not a shake(this is where the video really comes in handy) baby was constantly in motion in the womb, so it is calming to them... this little technique gets their head moving in a slight loose way. once he is calm you can put him in a swing on high speed to keep up the calming effect(or wear them in a sling a dance around the kitchen-- a great bonding, stress reliving thing for new mommies... not to mention, a good work out! the swing really was a life saver! i didn't even buy my own b/c i though it might be a useless waste of space.... i would have paid $1000 for it... elisha took all his naps in the swing for the first 3-4 months... and no it really wasn't that hard to break that habit... a couple of days of not wonderful naps and a little extra effort help him fall asleep... same thing for weaning him from his swaddle blanket at 5-6 months(not everyone swaddles for that long-- but it was wonderful for us)

* get a swing that you can put your baby into while swaddled

* get the miracle swaddle blanket... it'll cost you and you may have to order it online, but it was the only thing that could keep my strong baby--- 5/6 month old swaddled ;-) ... at first we used a 'swaddle designs' receiving blanket and loved it, all the other receiving blankets were too small. the 'swaddle me' blanket is great as well-- and also nice b/c you could swaddle securely and have your baby latched into their carseat/ swing but of strategically placed slits.

* we love the 'gumdrop' paci... a lot of people do. i have friends who order handfuls off the internet b/c they can't find them in stores. if you don't use this kind, let me suggest that you use something like a 'soothie'.... the nuk and others have plastic pieces that click and may wake your baby when it falls out of their mouth.

when i first discovered this book online it was out of print and was selling on amazon.com for over $200! people were paying that(and i was thinking about it ;-) b/c it explains those weeks when you have the best baby in the world and those weeks where your baby is constantly fussing and clinging to you and fighting naps and bedtime. some babies are a little more even keeled than mine and their fussy phases may not be as obvious. i called my lactation consultant twice- convinced that i had no more milk and e was starving, or that he must be having a nursing strike b/c he wasn't nursing very much and was so fussy about it when he did(granted some of that was due to reflux).... the researchers of this book have pinpointed certain weeks as developmental 'growth spurt' weeks. they give a calendar showing when they occur--- the weeks preceding these spurts are very difficult as your baby is adjusting to brain changes that make his world totally different. elisha really followed the timetable , and i can't begin to tell you how encouraging it is to know that your baby is being fussy for a very important reason--- and that they won't be that way forever. i really wish i would've had a copy earlier b/c it tells you exactly what happens during each spurt and what activities will interest your baby more and what toys they will like now.

in general, child development books have been far more helpful to me than books that simply offer programs to follow. it gives you a way to manage your expectations appropriately to what your baby is really capable of... in some cases they are capable of more than you realise and you won't notice until you know what to look for!!!

this book is a great tool to help you get to know your child better and be more understanding of them... and to know when to just comfort them and when to push them toward discovery.

this book is very dry to read, and it may scare people off by seeming to be a set pf programs to follow for sleep. but more than anything it is a sleep scientist writing about what sleep looks like in infants and children. if you can read through all of it- skip to the tables where he shows information like - the average bedtime and wake times for different age groups... if you are like me you just don't know what is normal.

i like how his agenda is for babies to get adequate sleep. he doesn't care how you get you infant to sleep, just so long as you do and they don't get into an 'overtired' state. boy oh boy have we learned the perils of trying to calm to sleep an over-tired baby!

for most of this first year we have had to get elisha to sleep after only being awake for 2 hours to avoid this 'overtiredness'.... wiesbuth's studies dispel myths about sleep-- and we have learned the truth of it from our own experience (through e and our own times of sleeplessness). he talks about how sleep begets sleep... a well rested person sleeps better. we found that if we put e down for a nap before he started getting fussy/tired he went down easily and slept better than if we waited 'until he was good and tired'... then he would be fighting sleep and not sleep for as long.

he really helps you have appropriate expectations for your infant as far as sleeping through the night. and helpful information about when babies usually are waking hungry and when they are between sleep cycles. this book is actually utilizing studies of brain development and statistics to give you a picture of healthy sleep.

reading this book has been SO important for us... it has helped us realize HOW important sleep is for elisha's (and our own) health, brain development, disposition, ability to learn etc.

if it is to dry to read before your baby is born just have it on hand b/c i promise you will be dying for this information at some point during at least the first six months, if not weeks.

he is one of the places that tells how the first twelve weeks(especially for a colicky baby) are the hardest... but they are a bell curve with the 6th week being the hardest. that was information i clung to as i kept feeling like he was getting fussier and fussier... i kept counting down to week 6 b/c things would start turning around... and by week 12 i was wishing time would slow down b/c i was enjoying him so much! 'the womanly art of breastfeeding' is like the breastfeeding bible. you may not want to follow their parenting suggestions, but the breastfeeding information is very helpful. it has basic information about everything you will need to know. if you want even more info and people to chat w/ and even experts and lactation consultants on board who will respond to your posts, go to http://www.kellymom.com/ for absolutely anything breastfeeding related.

i have to say that breastfeeding this baby has been so extremely important... it has been such an indescribable joy, it has been extremely difficult at times, very frustrating at times...

i think you learn a lot in the trenches of nursing a baby that will serve you well as you parent: you can't count the ounces-- you have to wait and see how they are growing/ peeing/ acting satisfied... this teaches you to trust the Lord for what you don't know and can't control and teaches you to be more aware of your child's signals than just looking at the concrete evidence of a dr.'s recommended amount and an empty bottle. there have been so many times when one or both of us have not been 'in the mood' for nursing, but elisha and i have had to work as a team through out this and it has taught me about him (and i imagine him about me) .... i am getting tired and can't make a point... but trust me- it has been an exaggerated learning experience for lessons i will use for the rest of the time i parent him.

and i just have to say in closing about breastfeeding- i had one of the hardest experiences i have heard of with breastfeeding. (maybe God is using that experience to give me understanding/ and help me to not judge people for giving up on nursing) i am not braggng about my determination-- i ean to encourage you in case you have a hard time too(although ssoooo many people do not have trouble, so don't be scared!) i tell you about this to say that despite using my strong pain meds from my c-section to manage breast pain for a month, crying b/c of pain while nursing so many times, seeing my newborn spit up blood from my nipples(i'm so sorry if this is tmi--- you are on my blog though, so i guess i can say what i want), and then having another month of inconvenience using nipple shields b/c of some mouth and jaw developments that elisha had to grow into(let me know if you want specifics-- i would love to share if it will help you figure out what you may be dealing with).... and now having my new obgyn ask me if i had surgery b/c of a scar on my nipple from the whole experience... i took it one feeding at a time. and IT WAS SOOOOO WOrth it!!! so no matter how bad you may have it.. call me and i will cry with you, but don't give up--- get a lactation consultant(its cheaper than formula) and call for support, but fight it out... it will be worth it. it gets sssoooo much easier. i remember people talking about how special and bonding it was and not really getting it... it isn't necessarily like that at first, but it is so sweet as they get older and can smile up at you!

sorry i went on and on.... believe me, i abbreviated.

and that is not all i have to say about my most important things learned... there will be more to follow.... like for instance, get a handful of baby carriers b/c you will use them so much if you learn how... they will be worth millions to you....

good night.

mommy's scratchy face????

we have been reading "pat the bunny" for many months now... it is a wonderful book; elisha loves to play peek-a-boo with paul, read judy's book, pat the bunny... and he loves to 'feel daddy's scratchy face'. but lately he has scratched the picture of the daddy in the book and then turned to me and tried to scratch my face. now i'm not a daddy and most of all i do NOT have a scratchy face!

bubbles

i decided to write this in case there are mothers out there who do not know the wonder of bubbles... it is a good idea to keep a bottle (the little ones handed out at weddings are great for your purse!) with you at all times. they come in handy when you have a baby/ toddler having a melt down. there is something very calming about watching bubbles float through the air. when you are stuck in traffic or stck anywhere for that matter w/ a bored, fussy baby just start blowing bubbles a watch their eyes open wide in wonder... you both will relax a bit. i promise.

freeze up

i am experiencing an overload of blog ideas and it is causing a system freeze. i have so many things i need to get out there and i mentioned on one of my many 'facts about me' that large projects overwhelm me and i have to break them up to even begin to get them done!
while drifting off to sleep i will sometimes plan how to divide my huge list of recommendations into more managable post sizes... i promise it is coming!
- one recommendation i can throw out there is boy clothes-- i think old navy has cute boy baby clothes, target has some, gap does too... but w/ a higher price tag... you can find good stuff at t.j.maxx, ... and i was walking through a sears yesterday and they carry 'lands end' stuff now-- the boy clothes were cute/ preppy cute. if $ is no object (or to get ideas if you are a creative type) janie and jack have the cutest all time baby clothes ever!!!
- i love consignment sales... but i have to warn you- there are only half(if even) as many boy clothes as girl clothes... and they ( of course) are in as good of condition :-(
putting an applique on a onsie or shirt os easy breezy and can be really cute and funky. and shorts and pants (w/ elastic waists) are REALLY not very hard, i promise-- i can't even follow a pattern. i just traced the pieces of a pair i liked... works great!

stay tuned for many, many more tips

sling use instructions - tummy to tummy

the tummy to tummy hold is very similar to the "hip carry" when used with slightly older children-- here i am showing this carry with a newborn. it is wonderful for babies who like to have their head up because of curiousity or (hopefully not) reflux. my son was in tummy to tummy in my ring sling most of the first few months of his life!

if you have a young baby you will make a pocket with the sling and put the baby down feet first, facing you......with his feet curled up under him in the pocket. then just gather the excess fabric around to the rings and pull the sling tight... you can have the fabric up behind the baby's head to give head support for very young babies.

for older babies you can put their feet through the sling as shown on the 'hip carry' section. remember to have their bottom below their knees (have them sitting down in the sling). wrap their little legs around you with them in front of you so that you are "tummy to tummy"!

sling use instructions -- cradle carry

these are instructions for carrying your baby in a cradled position. this is great for sleeping or nursing babies. you can also do a variation of this with the baby's head away from the rings.
my baby is a bit big for this carry... hopefully i will be able to update this soon with some pics of a newborn (not my own, mind you... not yet;-) start by adjusting the fabric through the rings to make a pocket. have the inner rail(edge) tightened to make a wall of fabric against you. loosen the rest of the sling to make room for baby. you will tighten it to be snug once your baby is in.
put your baby up on your shoulder opposite the rings in a high burp position. from there work your baby's bottom down into the pouch toward your hip, leaving room for his head near the rings.
pull the fabric around and settle you baby in comfortably. (be sure his head is not crunched forward to much and blocking his breathing)
tighten any loosen fabric and be sure to have your baby high up... above your belly button to keep your back from hurting. you can toss the tail of the sling over your opposite shoulder for discrete breastfeeding in the sling! (obviously my baby is on the bigger side for this carry... a smaller baby's feet would tuck into the sling nicely)

the first party

hard working boys... being sweet and sharing. when does that change?the mamas with their may babies...
definately a book birthday! -- is there a better kind?

we celebrated on memorial day which was a few days before his actual birthday, but since he was born on memorial day last year it just felt right(i know it may take some people a minute to process that ;-)the weather was wonderful... a lot of our family was able to make it and elisha's little birthday buddies made it as well. the pound cake and peach cobbler was delicious if i do say so myself... and the birthday boy was in good spirits. so other than the moment where he was waving around a flaming finger(note: i didn't include that video) everything went off without a hitch... and even the whole burning candle stuck to his finger didn't seem to bother him at all. he just looked at all of us, as we were frantically grabbing his hand and sticking it in the closest sweet tea glass available, like 'whats the big deal'... holding him is like holding an octopus - we learned that you can't be holding him and be far enough from the candle for him to not reach and yet close enough to blow them out... all of you with curious babies under the age of one, keep this in mind for that first celebration!

this video is so funny to me. it is after the whole candle episode. elisha is looking at the cake and just about to die to get some... how did he get to be so dramatic? i think the pound cake and homemade ice cream lived up to his expectations... at least he told me they did, but he may have just been trying to be nice ;-)
speaking of being nice- andrew asked me if i wanted us to celebrate elisha's birthday as my day... we have a korean friend and in their culture your birthday is a time to celebrate your mother, spend the day with her, make her a cake etc.... i think it makes sense. we definately celebrated e and gave him a gift and cake etc. but andrew did give me a little present(some earings to match the necklace he gave me after e's birth) yesterday morning before we went and sang to elisha... thank you love!

happy birthday dear elisha

exactly one year ago ...
i can't decide how to end this sentence.
definitely- my firstborn son made his entrance into the world( although this idea confuses me a little, because i think he was every bit as much alive and therefore "part of the world" when he was inside of me... andrew and i both think people should count years by conception dates rather than birthdays - its a more accurate measure of age... a baby who is a week past due really is not the same age as a baby born on the same day who is a month early)... at 8:41 pm via cesarean section.
birth should be beautiful. it is the entrance of a new life. it is the culmination of the rite of passage that makes a woman a mother. it is truly truly a beautiful wonderful thing. but in a way, to me it felt a bit like dying.
i immersed myself in information about birth; spent 12 weeks intensively studying how to do it naturally. i am a big baby. i am scared of pain. but i was facing my fear ... ready to just do it. to experience this thing. to be . to birth. (this may sound insane to most of you -- most people think it is a painful thing one should try to get through with the more pain killers the better....but i don't care this is my blog, and i can just put this out there if i want to... and maybe that will help me process everything and move on). i had scripture in my heart 'do not fear for i am with you do not be dismayed for i am your God... i will strengthen you and help you i will uphold you with my righteous right hand..." i was prepared to do this incredibly hard, incredibly scary, incredibly important thing. and it is important. i really do believe that your experience in birth can definitely set the tone for your mothering(we had a rocky start... it is hard enough to go into it at your best...).
i was past my due date. i had various other issues at play with regard to pressure from my dr. i did not want to be induced. i think babies know when it is time to be born. we were doing every trick in the book to try to get this baby to be ready w/ out pitocin(an induction drug)... i had contractions all weekend... didn't get but a few hours of sleep all weekend and then monday(memorial day last year) the real thing started- slow, predictable... 1am until maybe 6am things went along just as they should. i focused and relaxed and just let the contractions come and go. but then they started spacing out and i was asking andrew to put pressure on my lower back. i became more and more uncomfortable... this wasn't just contractions, this was back labor! that is when the hardest part of the baby's head- the back- is hitting the mother's tailbone. babies are supposed to be turned the other way... head looking toward the mother's butt, so to speak.
if you haven't experienced back labor... i can't even ... it just isn't something you can explain, except to say that it is unbearable. i had expected to go through labor 'one contraction at a time'. i was going through it one breathed prayer for mercy at a time.
we went to the hospital around noon. the one dr. in my practice that i really didn't want was the one on call. he had been delivering babies for 50 years. he said that he treated obstetrics like war- he looked for problems and fought them before they happened... this meant that he didn't see birth as a normal, healthy thing-- he saw it more as an illness... not as something a mother does--- something a doctor does. granted there are maybe 10 percent of births that are truly dangerous and a c-section is warranted... but the avg. is upwards of 30 percent and a lot of that is because of people with this mindset.
he took one look at me and said "she's going to need a section." {how do you like the thought of being sectioned? i think it is inhumane terminology} i was not in danger(pain mind you... but not danger) and elisha was not in danger so we kept fighting for more time... those hours are like a black hole to me. when you are laboring naturally you lose all sense of time. you are just doing it. breathing, being, and definitely praying. it really could've been days or minutes for all i knew or cared... i didn't have the leisure to notice. but it was hours. around 5:30? i got an epidural. i knew i had to get my wits about me to deal with this whole c-section thing that the dr. kept pushing. if i had to get a c- section i would have to get an epidural anyway. i was shaking ... epidurals make me shiver uncontrollably. i was still not dilated much. as to be expected, my contractions slowed down once i got the epi, so we had started the whole snowball of interventions. they put me on pitocin to get the contractions going again... they upped it... after countless times of my dr. telling me 'no real progress... we are going to have to section her" i had actually dilated all the way! he was willing to give me a try. i was so weak and exhausted that they told me to try to rest and let the pitocin push the baby down more because when it came to pushing him all the way i would need strength. after crying over what looked like was going be a c-section, i was as giddy as i could be(for as exhausted as i was)... a chance; i was at least going to have a chance to push him out. but after ?? an accurate timetable is really hard for me to figure out?? he came back in. he checked me. elisha still had not turned and since it would've been a tight fit anyway, having opimal position was key. he had not dropped much either. the dr. put his hands on elisha's head and tried to turn him himself, but to no avail.
the doc. dashes all my hopes so quickly. he said" she needs a section... or it will be an ugly forceps delivery, but the baby could get stuck and then have to be pushed back up and cut out anyway... he has been showing some signs of stress with some heart decelerations(which by the way are extremely common when you flood a baby with pitocin... usually just means you need to lay off on the drugs!).... well, let me know ... i think she needs a section... if you want a second opinion that's fine, but i'm doing a section!..... let me know now b/c i have the operating room scheduled for twenty minutes from now and we need to start prep" ...he is throwing all of this at us while we are constantly asking him to give us a minute... we need to talk about this, pray about it, process... but he wouldn't leave until we said a half way 'fine' to buy ourselves a second. andrew and i just looked at each other. we had been fighting this all day. i had been fighting this my whole life. the only thing more terrifying to me than having a giant needle stuck in my spine and left there was being cut open to have a baby pulled out.
it was a whirl wind. i remember staring at the ceiling of the hospital hallway as they wheeled me around. i was all alone, i had been shaven and now was stripped and laying on a cold metal table in a room full of people that i didn't know. men talking about me and scrubbing me, taping me off. i am shaking uncontrollably, partially because of the epidural, and partially because of the cold sterile room. blue blue blue everywhere... surgical blue... where as birth should be red ... and maybe green for life. i don't quite understand how elisha had not dropped low enough and yet he was low enough to require a nurse to push him back up while the c-section was performed.???
andrew was allowed in at the end when elisha was pulled out. we heard him screaming. i craned my head to catch a glimpse of him across the room... no one can ever describe what that moment is like when you first lay eyes on your child. it was a complete letting go of self. you know even more than you did at the beginning of this 'letting go"-- pregnancy and labor journey, that you will do absolutely ANY thing for this person...
there i was laid out on the operating table (andrew had gone with elisha to the nursery to oversee the whole bathing, measuring, etc) i was catching bits of concern in the doctor's voices(turns out oops-they cut through my cervix instead of my uterus-- he later tried to make it seem like it was my fault "for insisting on laboring for so long"... really he was just too old and it was getting late for him--- sorry for the bitterness in my voice)... i could feel my body being moved around... but i was numb, so i couldn't really feel it. i was more exhausted than is possible... it was all i could do to not fall asleep.... which considering the utmost drama of the occasion, is saying a lot!
i felt so keenly that death is how we get life. i don't at all want to be taken as blasphemous, but i felt a bit like Christ crucified there on the feared table, stripped of everything. all of that for a life. and it was worth it.





-there are so many other details, and so many other ways to tell that story. this is the first time i have written it all out. there are sweet things, like how elisha stopped crying the instant andrew started talking to him b/c he recognized his voice.... countless other precious things about my darling son. but, just as this is his first birthday... it is the anniversary of my first giving birth day as well and i guess i just needed to get this out. i made elisha a book with photos of the day to read to him every year and i struggled so much with how to present this birth- which was not what i want him to think of first when he thinks of how babies are born.

- disclaimer- i know there maybe a few people who might read this and be scared out of getting pregnant... or may be pregnant and now be terrified that this will be your story.... (or God forbid- you have dealt with things much worse than this -- i know that this is not in the same universe as losing a child) we each have our own story that God is writing with our lives. he will bring you through your trails; he has brought me through mine... i feel like i died and came back again.... but i am back again and hoping that he uses this story he wrote in my life for a great purpose.
i'm having a lot of misgivings about publishing this post... i would say it definitely classifies as intimate. but i guess i see it as a story God wrote and what good can it do if people can't read it. we are called to be vulnerable. to be a picture of sacrificial love. sacrificing self.... i am not who i want you to think i am ... i am who he has written me to be, and i may as well have out with it.
-that being said, i feel like this a pretty personal conversation and i think it would be nice to know with whom i am having this conversation...


pictures of the birthday boy, video of cake eating... and another ultra long post with all my recommended sources i found helpful for this first year on the job... all comng soon. i promise!

am i a nerd?

in light of my last post about my library books... i'm wondering if i am a nerd?
i'm so engrossed in my book about scientific gender differences! i can't help but share facts i have learned about all sorts of things with people... sometimes even strangers. do jr. high categories of nerdiness still exist... if people do still think in those terms, haven't they realized the correlation between nerdiness and interesting, fun, well spoken, intentional, creative(and maybe even financially rewarded) people? i don't know... i'm really just venting a little b/c some one's off hand comment about my tendency to research made me feel insecure about being a dork... now how ridiculous is that? (that's not rhetorical-- i need some encouragement here)

library trip

elb and i went to the library last week... while we didn't find very many baby books, we did bring home a handful of helpful books.

- baby read-aloud basics- the stats are amazing... did you know that the number of words your child hears before the age of 2 is a huge determiner of success in school?*i want to add that this is not my #1 goal --it is to give the love of books and learning* this book was great for teaching how to read (and what to read) to different age babies depending on their developmental stage. it also gave some helpful hints as to how to create a language rich home with a "reading nest" and activities other than tv... i am about to start working on a homemade book about e's birthday. they pointed out that homemade books don't have to be elaborate... can take less than 30 minutes, yet will be loved b/c they will fit your child and their world perfectly!

-taming the spirited child: strategies for parenting challenging children without breaking their spirits- i think this book has some very helpful points... you may be thinking "your son is only 1... aren't you jumping the gun?" i am always researching for the next step; i guess i find that it helps me avoid problems before they start (if at all possible) and i have already had some hints that some small spanks to the hand will help with training elisha. well, my 'mother's intuition' is that my son's personality wouldn't be phased by some small spanks and what am i to do? keep upping the ante until i am leaving marks? well- that classifies as abuse, and i am afraid (with the way he already imitates my every move) that it will just teach him to hit... i think it could get a little hairy when i am hitting him for hitting me! ---sooo i am happy to find that there are many methods of effective 'discipline' that i can use raising e that won't send child services my way ;-) .... i love that making sure your child gets a good night of sleep is near the top of the list! --- the whole question of 'to spank or not to spank' is one that i am really researching and trying to figure out---

***-why gender matters: what parents and teachers need to know about the emerging science of sex differences- i haven't read very much of this yet, but what i have scanned looks fascinating - did you know that male and female brain tissue are intrinsically different?!

edited: i HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERYONE. fascinating and incredibly helpful in understanding the opposite sex... and evidence based. the only part i don't like is his treatment of the homosexual issue, i think it was very lacking in scientific foundation etc... i now own a copy, and have one on loan... somewhere.***

i am proud of myself for going to the library instead of amazon.com's used book section... hopefully i'll return them on time and they won't cost me anything!

-- elisha was having a ball with his friend machen in the red wagon last weekend!--

walk like a man

andrew told me that elisha wanted him to ask what i wanted for mother's day... i told him some things that would be nice. i was so thrilled to have breakfast in bed and a new cushion for our wicker love seat outside... but it seemed that elisha actually had his own idea about a mother's day gift....

he walked on his own for the first time! i'm so glad that he waited for a perfect occasion and he did it in front of his grandparents along with his parents! we were so happy that they got to share that special moment with us.

elisha is an extremely fast crawler so it may be a while before he makes the switch over to walking, but at least we know that he can.

i wish i could post a video of it.... but i can't. instead i'm posting a pic of my sweet boy asleep... boy oh boy is this a rare sight! he looks so precious curled up on his beloved 'duck duck'.

pictures of elb @ 11 months

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otis' 3rd birthday!

well, it is my dear dog's birthday this lovely cinco de mayo... we are headed off on a family walk. otis received a brand new leash for his birthday (his has been missing for a while) as well as a stuffed chipmunk toy and some chicken flavored milk bones. deli turkey is one of his ultimate favorites so i'm hoping the chicken flavor will somehow be as good?

these are some pictures we love of our dog that we love.

sling use instructions -- kangaroo carry

the kangaroo carry is a great way to carry your baby facing outward. this carry can be used with babies who have good head control. it can also be done with a pouch sling.begin by adjusting the fabric through the rings to create a pouch with a wall of fabric against your body.


hold your baby up against your body with their back to you. cross the baby's feet.
hold their feet and body with one hand as you open the pouch of the sling with the other hand. settle the baby's bottom down into the sling.
gather the excess fabric around to the rings. tighten by lifting the fabric of the tail up and pull out. then pull the fabric down to lock it into the rings.
there you are. these special moments sure beat using a stroller!

sling use instructions - hip carry

these are instructions for a hip carry. you should wait until your baby has good head control and can sit up before using this carry. the 'tummy to tummy' carry is similar and can be used for babies with head control that can't sit up yet... both carry styles will be great for duration of the time you use your sling (until ~35 lbs).

start this carry (and all others as well) by making a pocket with your sling. pull the inner rail (edge) tight to form a wall of fabric against your body... but not too tight b/c for this carry you will be putting your baby's feet between the sling and your body. you tighten it more once your baby is in the sling.
lift you baby up on your shoulder opposite the rings in a high burp position. then, put your hand up between the sling and your body and grab you baby's feet to pull them through.
continue supporting your child's weight as you spread the fabric under their bottom and up their back.
then lean forward a little as you settle him into a sitting position in the sling. be sure to have your child's bottom below his knees... this insures he is sitting in the sling and will not slip out. tighten if you need to, to be sure their weight is above your belly button... this will be more comfortable as it distributes the weight. note how the rings have moved down my shoulder toward my baby. to adjust the rings back up to a corsage position simply lift your baby's weight from inside the sling fabric as you slide the sling around to get the rings away from you baby with you other hand.
be sure to tighten the sling so that your baby is snug against you. pull excess fabric around toward the rings and lift the top rail (edge) of fabric on the tail up and out and then down to lock the fabric in the rings.
there you are! sure beats holding that baby up with just your arm and hip!
to get the baby out of the sling -- lift up their weight with one hand as you separate the rings to loosen the fabric. it is a good idea to only loosen it enough to pull your baby up and out... that way it will be close to the right tightness for next time you put your baby in the same way.